Although parents never physically harm their children, it is likely that they abuse their children verbally, at least a few times. There are different types of verbal abuses that can happen in a family
- Sarcasm: Sarcasm can be seen as a barrier to learning. One sarcasm could be like an invitation to a stinging comeback. Resentment and confusion could happen when people are subjected to sarcasm.
- Nagging: Parents often mercilessly nag their children over trivial matters. Cruel nagging will result in nothing and this will only make children to become less productive. It’s not a good thing if children stop taking responsibility in what they are doing.
- Threats: Threats are like prediction that something bad will happen to children. This will cause anxiety and uneasiness. It is not a good thing if children feel discomfort. Promising to beat a child for something could plant fear in their heart. For some children, threats from parents will be met with defiant retorts and this will result in real conflicts.
- Blaming and accusation: Parents can be really creative in making blaming sentences. They have hundreds of phrases that encourage an environment of blame and accusation. Blaming could happen when parents only focus on the children, instead of addressing the problem. Another good indication is if parents loudly ask about something, when they already know the answer. They simply seek to see children to cower with fear. It is not a good thing to corner children into a no-win situation. This won’t result in a satisfactory outcome.
- Fault-finding: Parents with fault-finding tendency are usually overly critical. When children are making an effort to do something, parents will be eager to point out the flaws, instead of providing guidance and solutions. Parents shouldn’t be eager to highlight every fault. In reality, children are eager to learn and they will comply if given sensible instructions. Constant fault-finding could cause lack of confidence. Children will fear criticism and even punishment. In fact, criticism by parents could be caused by their own deep-seated insecurity.
- Comparing: Comparing to a sibling or other individuals can be heartbreaking for children. This could lead them into thinking that they are not good enough. In other cases, making comparisons will cause unhealthy competition between siblings. Intense sibling rivalry is not a good thing to have in any family. Hostility, anxiety, emotional troubles and even physical fights will happen when conflicts reach specific levels. Parents shouldn’t ignore the uniqueness of their children. One child may have a few different aspects compared to other siblings, but there are always hidden potentials that can be praised. Parents should work hard to improve the accomplishment, abilities and qualities. By making comparisons, parents are also not respecting to their struggle.
Exasperating children with various verbal abuses won’t result in anything good and they are just a way for parents to simply demean children for their own satisfaction. Parents should have the goal to make their children into better and productive individuals for the future.